


The iPhone 12 of Truth

by PixelGa1axy, S4mmyS4m



Series: Y/Ns' bizarre adventures [4]
Category: South Park
Genre: F/M, M/M, Sorry Not Sorry, South Park: The Stick of Truth, Unrequited Crush, this is not a serious attempt at a fanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 10:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30037578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PixelGa1axy/pseuds/PixelGa1axy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/S4mmyS4m/pseuds/S4mmyS4m
Summary: You wanna show off to South Park's new kid, but you fail.
Relationships: New Kid | Douchebag/Reader
Series: Y/Ns' bizarre adventures [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2098323
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	The iPhone 12 of Truth

“I found names! Time to see if they gay!” you scream at the top of your lungs in front of Jimbo’s guns. The kids walking past you turn to look at you confused. You stare at them, then back at your phone, displaying the wiki of your new ship.

The kid in an orange parker, wearing a princess dress on top, says, “Mrmmmmphm mrmmm mrphrm mm,” and turns to look at their companion who just stares at you. You can't quite get what he's supposed to be. Wearing a swat helmet, thief’s robe, and holding a girly looking sword. You’ve seen the Princess before, wasn’t her name Kenny? The other kid, however, you just now saw for the first time, but his #e1327d hair, sunglasses and #1d1d40 robe made him look kind hot. Maybe showing off how progressive and supportive you were of gay ships would impress him.

You turn your iPhone 12 to show them the page and feverishly start explaining that these two guys are gay and how cute you think that is.

They stare at you as you explain, you go on and on about what they did in the Detective Conan episodes and how they died together. You don’t notice that they both start to look bored and finally the new kid hits you with his sword.

You fall. Everything seems to be in slow motion. Your iPhone 12 slips out of your hand, crashing onto the ground next to you. You hear the cracking of your phone screen as you land on the sidewalk.

After recovering from your, in reality not so dramatic, fall, you pick it up and see the cracked screen. You stand up and push the new kid back while screaming about your broken iPhone 12.

He stands next to Princess Kenny for a moment before throwing four darts at you. That shocks you so much, you only watch as Princess Kenny starts singing. Mice gather around her and suddenly a wave of them comes crashing down on you.

After they ran off you get back up and now, you’re furious. These kids were in for it, no matter how hot the new kid was. You throw your broken iPhone 12 at him, hoping it would shatter in his face, but he blocks it with his fairy sword.

You feel dizzy, the mouse bites and darts really took it out of you. You fall to the ground and consider just staying down, maybe those kids would leave you alone if you played dead for a minute or two. Besides, lying there and grieving over your iPhone 12 wasn't so bad, was it?

But then you feel someone rummaging through your pockets and stealing your 69 Cents that you'd been carrying around. All you could think was that it wasn’t even enough for some chicken nuggets. How sad.

They stop, but you don't hear them walk away. You think about opening your eyes and looking at them, but before you can, they punch you. What an asshole.

After that, both kids walk away. You pity yourself for a few minutes, but eventually decide to open your eyes and get an iPhone 12 Pro to replace your broken iPhone 12.

But when you do, you don't see the sunny sidewalk and instead see a blue-ish green-ish probably turquoise-ish film running on a TV screen.

“It's vampire baseball,” you hear Mike say from your left.

“How'd ya know tha’?” Jessica asks.

“I dunno, heard it somewhere or somethin’,” Mike replies and the room goes quiet again, safe for Twilight’s edgy pop music.

You start to come back to reality. You were currently at Damien's house party, after you all emptied his quite pathetic alcohol supply, you started watching twilight while Simon and Sophie went to get more. You must've fallen asleep at some point, and apparently your worst enemy, Tomas, had fallen asleep on top of you. “That feels like a horrible ‘enemies to lovers’ fanfiction,” you think as you close your eyes again, listening to the twilight cast hiss at each other.

It occurs to you that Tomas looks quite similar to the new kid you had fought in your dream, #e1327d hair, wears sunglasses indoors and at night, #1d1d40 shirt. Maybe he had been the perfect boyfriend you’d been looking for all along.

**Author's Note:**

> S4mmyS4m:  
> This one’s more heavily edited than any of the others. I had to work the x reader element into it in post and we wrote this over the course of two days or so. I, for once, didn’t switch between past and present tense in the original messages, but a quarter of this was first person, cuz I threw it at my co-writer out of fuckin nowhere. I’m not sorry
> 
> PixelGa1axy:  
> I wasn't expecting this to be a crackfic at all. And if anyone asks, the guys mentioned r Jinpei Matsuda and Kenji Hagiwara


End file.
